my life is messed up
Someone told her this recently,
"shing, what happened to you?!? Why are you so not confident of yourself now?"
Later, someone else wrote,
"shing, please put yourself in other's shoe alright?"
Weeks ago, she got this,
"shing! do you know what's going on around you or not? Do you not know or do you pretend to ignore?!"
shing: : :
" i don't know."
"i'm sorry. but it was all a mistunderstanding.."
"why am i like that"
" i want to stop here"
"No one seems to understand me"
"Can i cry?"
"i am confused"
"i am lost"
"Can everyone let me off please?"
WHAT"S WRONG? CAN ANYONE TELL ME?
=i am just a mere 17 years old girl=
she cant cry.
she cant move.
but she cant give up.
she cant study.
she cant talk.
she cant run.
and she cant do anything.
what can she do?!!
she is helpless.
=Am i that useless?=
For all my life, i always aim to go all out to get myself to university, thinking that after studying for like 12 years,
that is where i should end up to.
And university means time is not wasted in studying, which equals to success.
But,
even though i am one step away from uni,
i feel that i have wasted more than half of my life already.
Most of it, in fact.
What and where can studying in JC bring me to?
When i have already screwed up my studies.
I've gotten Os for econs and GP.
Failed chem.
Cant even get a decent grade for my best subject, maths.
...............
How to let my parents have a better life? ........
How to break through this poverty, as we have called ourselves to be in?
When can we get a bigger flat?
When can we go to restaurant to eat as a family?
............... When can my siblings have a room of their own?
When can my mum have a chance to get onto a plane?
When can we have a decent sofa?
........ How?
What can i do?
Should i go according to what i SHOULD do,
or
should i go according to what i WANT to do..
if my want is far and away..
i never think i'm inferior and never superior.
but why like that?
i need to sort out my life soon.
really soon.
like tomorrow?
A levels is just round the corner.............
U asked me where is my confidence i used to have.
i've lost it.
U asked me to get it back again.
i can't.
Why?
Gotcha! i can't answer.
speechless.
Good night.
=will dream give me an answer?=
we'll see..=]
meanwhile, stop bombarding me with all your nonsence!!
posted by shing +++== + @ 5/12/2006 10:25:00 AM
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